In a dystopian future to which the world as we know it seems fated, there will be zombies. Everywhere. The undead will pass their time in semi-catatonic states inside musty Tim Horton’s coffee shops where there’s nobody to look under the rim and dingy malls where petulant children and their haggard parents have been long absent.
Opaque zombie eyes will bear sightless witness to urban regression as populated areas transform back to the landscapes from which they usurped healthy open space. Grass will grow through cracks in parking lots. Billboards advertising myriad services no longer available will fade, peel and crack with the passing of seasons. Derelict structures will lean akimbo, comprising the losing side in an unwitting game against creeping dual opponents of gravity and natural elements.
Let’s drop you into this imagined future. Popular culture dictates that if you are not among the legion of living dead you’ll be doing your best to either avoid them at all costs or eliminate them in creative and revolting ways. Regardless, you’ll outfit yourself with a spiky Louisville Slugger, a greasy vest and some lace-up parade boots. But what about personal transport?
During early post-apocalyptic days, survivor tastes in vehicles tended toward lumbering hulks. Keeping these in good nick meant frequently stopping to siphon gasoline and strip parts from donor cars. This left you exposed to the slow moving, predictable and poorly dressed populace hellbent on eating you alive.
But times are changing and discerning survivors are now leaning toward transportation that is reliable, fuel efficient, comfortable and quiet.
So. You’re looking for a Honda. Maybe a comfortable and sporty sedan, like an Accord. Perhaps a versatile small SUV… a CR-V perhaps?
You’ll find both and you’ll be spoiled for choice. Before society went sideways in 2019, Honda sold 175,000 vehicles in Canada. The CR-V broke sales records whilst the company sold nearly 14,000 Accord models.
But which to choose?
For pure distance cruising pleasure – you may be inclined toward the Accord. It has 4 doors and a raked roofline that positions it well to compete for looks with other late model four door coupes. Try to find a 2020 Accord Touring model. It looks great from the outside – with chrome molding and a similarly tipped dual exhaust set atop 19-inch aluminum-alloy rims. You may be in desperate need of a shower – but you can still make an effort to look classy.
With a 1.5-litre engine, 192 horsepower and a continuously variable transmission, this Accord variant has 60 horsepower less than siblings equipped with a 2.0-litre plant, but still plenty to pull away from anything looking to have you for dinner. The Accord’s coffin-like interior silence will also insulate you from the ubiquitous and repetitive violin refrain that signals the presence of danger or indicates that one of your co-survivors is about to do something remarkably stupid.
You’ll appreciate that your favourite driving position in the perforated leather front seat can be widely adjusted and that it is both heated and ventilated. Since the demise of the power grid, a little full-body AC will be super luxe.
Spotify and related music services may be only fond memories, but you’ll do well to pilfer some Apple or Android devices (no need to be picky – the Accord will accommodate both) with various assortments of downloaded music to plug in to the Honda’s entertainment system. The crisp and clear 452-watt stereo will give you reprieve.
If you find yourself trudging through ankle deep snow or a muddy rural landscape in search of your Honda, you may be considering a model with a little more ground clearance and a transmission that will spin all four tires.
See if you can’t find a 2020 CR-V Sport.
Also powered by a 1.5-litre engine, the Sport has a continuously variable transmission and left the factory on all-season tires driven by an all-wheel drive system. It performs admirably in all but the most inclement weather.
Like the Accord, the CR-V has a whole whack of both active and passive safety features that served a purpose in the old world but don’t add much value today. However, with your disturbed sleep patterns and newly embraced cathemeral lifestyle, the lane departure warning system is certainly a nice feature to have.
The CR-V weighs in at 117kg more than the Accord and while it doesn’t cut quite the same shape through the wind or jump off the line, fuel consumption is still fantastic at 8.3 L/100KM. It also runs on regular fuel, of which supply is still relatively abundant and easily found, particularly in extra-urban areas.
The entertainment system in the CR-V isn’t as trick as the one found in the Accord and the front seats are shorter in the thigh and less refined than those in the sedan. But the CR-V is still pleasantly quiet and compliant on the road, with very little wind noise or buffeting at cruising speed. As a bonus, the CR-V sits about 60mm higher than the Accord and provides great zombie-spotting visibility, all around.
The CR-V has more than double the cargo volume of the Accord, so in the event you’ve made some sweaty new friends, there’ll be plenty of space for them in the back. If attacked by a horde, you won’t have to fuss with popping a trunk to access necessities (broadswords, bazookas) that can be stored behind the rear seats and passed forward. Carefully.
If you’re not into the puerile gossip and complex interpersonal relationship scene that has come to prominence since the arrival of zombies, you may be surviving on your own. The CR-V could become the friend you never knew you needed – you can even drop the rear seats and sleep together in a pinch.
So – Accord or CR-V? It probably won’t matter. Given Honda’s established and proven value proposition, there’s a good chance that if you choose to stick out the zombie apocalypse in a Honda, you’d still be driving it when the violin music stops.
2020 Honda Accord Touring
MSRP Starting From: $37,190
Drivetrain: 1.5-litre, turbocharged 4-cylinder, 192 horsepower, 192 lb-ft, continuously variable transmission
2020 Honda CR-V Sport
MSRP Starting From: $34,990
Drivetrain: 1.5-litre, turbocharged 4-cylinder, 190 horsepower, 179 lb-ft, all-wheel drive, continuously variable transmission
VVUZZ Recommended: Take care of them and these cars may never die.
Images courtesy of the author.